how i feel now.... miserable but don't feel like talking bout it.... trying to ignore the fact i feel miserable and getting on with live with a smile as fake and bright as a neon light. *not working as well*.... even ong lai who is freaking blur notived i looked unhappy.... i just jabbed him in the ribs... after all, since i don't feel like talking bout it, i might as well jus jab him or smack him a few times, which didn't make me feel better. usually venting my frustrations by smacking ppl ( esp guys) make me feel tons better.... i just feel kinda down inside... i m holding up though....

probably cos i haven had a serious tornado in my life for quite some time or probably small ones... which was probably a lot easier to deal with... last 1 2 yrs ago broke me.... maybe i do need some breaking.... and i m not being sadistic.... jus mere 4 days before going into 21 days of daniel fast too... * whole church going to have a daniel fast for 21 days starting on the 14th may* there is definitely a good reason to fast now bot that there weren't any to begin with... i feel like hiding... man, i haven become soft n mushy... i imagined i was way tougher than this.... anyway, just determine not to let this throw my life into chaos.... older not equals to wiser.... yet experience do sometimes give us an advantage especially to deal with one's emotions and shortcomings.....

talking in riddles.... why do i feel like i m being cheated of something God has promised me? or is it that He did not promised in the 1st place.... or maybe i should contend more for it other than blaming Him for not fulfilling His end of the promise..... God, help! a crisis is prob what is gonna be bring me down to my knees.... and one that is gonna help me stand in the future.... i need to rise above this situation.... and see the big picture.... it is for the best....

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

this is what i need to hang on to... and believe.... all things work for the good of those who love Him.... and who have been called according to His purposes....

let me not fall anywhere but on You God.... cos seriously i don't wanna fall anywhere else.... although falling down is definitely not a pleasant experience.... at least let it be where you meant it to be....

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay.... it's not meant to sound dat angry or ganas... stressed....