osce tommorow~!!

u guys must be wondering... y i so many osces wan? last one was jus for imu ppl... this 1 is the actual medical home unit osce which is way more important... we have something called the 10?20 system...meaning to say can only flunk up to 10 weeks before we get barred from exams and med is already 9 weeks so if fail sure very stress... menaing to say x fail anything else... and now they jus started the grading system, previosuly was a non graded pass... sigh, atm i jus wanna pass and start my holidays... prob piggying ard... sleeping, eating, lazing... and maybe bit of studying n research in between~! and.... I M GOING TO MELBOURNE!!! stg to look forward to after this whole 2 rotations...feel quite drained, tired, seriously think i m losing it a bit... compassion, love for patients, actually caring for them as people... or rather treating them as historians, physical examination dummies, case reports... feelbit bad... hope this hols will do much more to help refresh me and i'll be more ...OMMMPHHH! to start next sem... God, i need help!!

thanks darlin, baaa n jon for ur msges... u guys hang in there too!!! darlin, i m praying for you... *BIGHUGS* baaaa and jon boy, all d best for exams!!! david, i hope you hand's better... and if you read this please tell shien thanks for all her emails... prob get down to rpelying one of these days... and i really should get abck to studying for my osce...longer break den i should have taken... 10 minutes became 15 mins... and 15 mins frm neuro tute... la la la!!!

STUDY TIME!!! take care folks... God bless....

arrrGGHHHHH!!! feel bit stressed now..figured ishall release all my frustrations into words... whine whine whine... symptoms of stress.. insomnia, headache.... mang chang ness.... ki siao ness.... all starting to act up den i've got this huge pimple on my face, ARGGGGHHHHH!!! which my stupid housemate raju keep on commenting dat it's getting beta, such a giant help...how d heck do i know y it's x going away? hormonal imbalance... n being pms sy...

life's not that bad... jus not the best at the moment... still coping with dealing wid studies, and sorting out internal issues... wish life can be simple and sometimes when i think bout my life in a detached sorta way... it's x dat complicated but when i do get down to deal with it feel that it's not as simple as i imagined it to be... like this stupid case report...but rights... it shouldn't be a hrd thing to do, aspiration pneumonia only ma....ya, but when i do look into the evidence base stuff, it's super a lto of work...not beyond me but requires like quite a number of hours... adn i m an impatient person, i sorta x like to spend ages, looking tru journals and mugging tru articles to come up wid 1 page of reasonable evidense bout treatment and management of aspiration pneumonia.... blerghhhhh....... and it's graded so i x do sloppy job outta it... have to do it kao kao... or else i would feel sucky bout not putting in the effort and time....

at tis moment... i wished i x have to do this stupid case report adn redo bits adn pieces of my research proposal...

i m a super lazy person... feel like curling up n reading a nice book or jus gonig to sleep... which i can't t the moment, cos i'm too stressed out wid other things... so x zzz either... n reading, my heart prob won't be in it anyway cos work nits to be done. procrastinated long enuff.... get on wid it... lazy bum me!!!!!!!

okie.... big breathes.... i can do this.... i can do all things tru Christ who strengthens me... phil 4:13, do not fear for i am with you, do not be dismayed for i m your God, i will uplift you with my righteous right hand. isaiah 41:10.... God, help!!! super big SOS to God... before i start hyperventilating... n ki siao ing....

The Lord id my shepherd, i shall not be in want... this i believe... somehow....

psalm 23

yesterday i had a bit of a crappy.. .short to say, was not a very good day... 1st i was suffering from a bout of "malaise' = malas ness... and i didn't feel like seeing patients, not to say i screwed up a jelco insertion, well, it's my 1st try on a real person and ya splattered blood on the blanket... okie, the poor patient was jabbed 5 times..... actually 6 times including the final jab by the intern who resorted to the anticubital fossa cos well practically all the veins in d hands were not useable, non accessible or jus plain thrombosed... i had only 1 try okie... blergh.... felt incompetent, why can't i get this right? frustrations....

anyway i went home after cardiology tute which wasn't too bad cos at least i could answer a couple of things cos i read up on aortic stenosis jus a few days back, altho i sorta forgot minor bits and pieces, seriously feel so...otak udang.... argggghhhh! brain cells!! wake up!!!

wanted to nap but guessed wat? i couldn't sleep.... even tho i was tired, jus want to sleep all my troubles away.... i m usually quite a piggie, jus sleep, things alwyas seem better after a nice long nap... but crappologiness....x sleep... had all sorts of bad thoghts coming into my mind, you're gonan fail your exams... u x make a good doctor, incompetent, useless... jus wished all those voices would jus shut up and let me sleep in peace.... arrrggGHHHHHH!!! felt totally yukkified!!! grrrrrrrrrr....

at last i gave up sleeping and jus woke up .... took a shower...starting praying and singing... my soul.... mildly pacified... reached for my bible and started reading psalm 23... again and again jus reciting the words to myself... somehow very soothing... and comforting.... after 3 or 4 times... think i finally felt somewhat at peace.... phew!!! God, thanks for great words of gentleness, comfort and encouragement... imagine like a little sheep ( ya, i no they r called lambs) just being lead to green pastures and quiet waters by the shepherd... such calmness and security... and sheep being the stupid creatures they are will follow their shepherd blindly... well, at that moment i x mind being a sheep man... jus lie on nice green grass and watch the gentle quiet waters jus shining under the sun....

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

thank you God for such a beautiful psalm...

ellooo....

hie hie people,

since i am quite lazy to email everybadi figured those who read my blog will read tis anyway... n be updated, was typing half way and comtemplating not continueing cos I M SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING NOW!!! sigh... i m a lazy bum, feel like i super lack discipline and self motivation, esp now that there is no exam except for an osce next week and another one in 3 weeks time... x feel very motivated to study at all.... blergghhhhh.....

well, i suppose i can console myself with the fact i did actually clerked a patient and got myself to join the library cos i was bored of reading just medical stuff ( not that i do much of it...) just going tru a phase of sien ness.... semi malaise and lethargy.... hehe... more like excuses for my laziness, yesterday i totally forgot bout radiology meeting at 8 30 with my gastro team...shucks~! i woke up at 9...and when i actually recalled...it was 11 something.... wat scattered brains i have!!!

anyways.... short msg... gotta ciao for brunch? i actually ate breakfast, but due to heavy schedule ahead... beta eat lunch early and since it's only 10 30... brunch sounds more the word to use, why am i even rambling about this? brains bit all over the place at the moment...

hope to hear from u peeps, jus drop me msges at my chatterbox... will reply them...

darlin, shien, elaine, dearest... miss you women!!! *hugs*

jon... i really nit to learn to be more assertive to be of any influence at all, u no i m actually quite quiet during ward rounds... maybe i m jus good at crapping... bla blah blahhh....

david, hope your hand is much better,

fei... if i get any more funny stories will post them up for ur entertainment~!

everybadi else~! have a great day~!

                        Pecans in the Cemetery

    On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree
  just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a
  bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began
  dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for
  me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the
  fence.

    Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he
  passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He
  slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you,
  one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was,
 so he jumped back on his bike and rode off.

    Now just around the bend he met an old man with a cane,
  hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe
  what I heard!  Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing
  up the souls."

      The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to
  walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the
  cemetery.  Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for
  me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy,
  you've been tellin' the truth.  Let's see if we can see the Lord."
  Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence yet were still
  unable to see anything.

    The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the
  fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the
Lord.
  At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all.  Now let's
  go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

    They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes
  ahead of the boy on the bike!
                                                       Author Unknown

tot this is super funny.... got it in my mailbox today.... hope u enjoyed it as much as i did~! 

cant really think of a title... nvm, it's not a big deal anyway, at d hospital now... bit regreting i actually woke up to go for a ward round i'm x really required to go to and finding out that the docs are having a meeting now which i don't wanna attend cos these meetings are really boring, went for quite a few during surg, only good thing is the food and the freebies, have yet to get a usb drive yet, got quite a few notebooks and pens and newest things to collect, mints!!! wish i was still oinking in bed... haven got the fainitest idea why i am so slweepie.... i totally konked last nite after coming back from church, was supposed to do my research proposal, jus x tahan, went to zzz at 12.... n since i woke up at 8 30 when i was trying to convince myself to wake up at 7 to no avail... cos my body jus refuse to get up.... n somehow x hear d snooze button, maybe i jus pressed it down in my dreams.... zzzzz.....

not looking fwd to common programme today, for those who don't know, it's d 3 lectures we have in a wk, usually in the city but today's it's here, thank God, no nit to travel which is a good thing too...cos i somehow always cabut after the 1st lecture to go to the lib or hang out in rundle mall which is 10 mins walk away... n ya, that's the most famous shopping street in adelaide... it's not actually a mall... it's like rows of shops and a pathway for humans only... n prob some dogs...no cars allowed in... sorta go there every week esp if there's common programme... i tot imu's lectures were sleep inducing, this is much worse, esp when i've got to be in the hospital for half a day already n my brains are sorta muddled from stuff mon - wed... waaaaaaa..... *pengsan*

better stop whining here.... life's not dat bad... i mean, i'm not starving or anything liddat... in fact think i ate too much junk food.... sigh, chips here when on sale, it's too cheap to resist....ate another bag of real mccoy, cheese and chives, still think original taste better...hehe... n i influenced rassam, chin, vanessa, desmond and priya to eat oso(imu ppl, these ppl are our juniors)... must share the fat.... muahahahahaha.... being a bit evil, well...anyone seen the picture of the smiling fat cat... saying... "if you can't be thin, ask God to make your friends fat" hehe... tot it was hilarious... they were more than willing to help me eat esp chin n rassam.... hehe, skinny guys.... n to top dat up i had a super big donut at nite... went to bakery on o'connell, dat's a 24 hrs bakery... it was 2 donuts for the price of 1... so jus ta pao la.... hehe.... n i didn't eat 2... willie ate 1... actually like 5 of us eating donuts there so i x feel dat bad.... got gang to fat fat together... happiness...

still slweepie...maybe i should get a coffee...trying not to take too much of that... but really like the cappucino and hot chocolate, prob cos i x take much of either back home... and on a cold cold day...it's so nice to have a hot cuppa hot chocolate.... waaaaa..... 1 more day to go before the week end comes... now i know wat jimmy meant by he jus looks fwd to the wk ends... me too man... on friday... i m always happy.... it's the wk end!!! a bit sad rite? but life being really hectic on wk days, not much time to do much.... wk ends are like such blessed relief...

10 more minutes and i shall page my intern... actually now that d meeting's on, don't really feel like going for the round... but wat d heck! don't be lazy... move it... God, i nit lotsa strength to get up n get going.. .the spirit is willing but the body is weak...so true... always happens to me...

i am thankful i m alive, i m thankful i actually got my lazy self outta bed to the hospital, i m thankful it didn't rain on my head this morning n the ground wasn't that wet so it x ruin my beige pants...i m thankful He loves me loads n lotsa other people too... i m thankful i m actually here typing this post...there's a lot of things to be thankful for... life is GREAT after all...hehe..... bit siao d... as a patient told me... nit to have a sense of humour to get tru life...

have a blessed day, folks!