the frustrations of having a screwed up connection.... it's been acting up for the past 2 weeks. ug!!! oh why why why adam must u behave in such an idiotic way? grrrrrrrrrrrr..........keep on dc when i half way online.... that's why i have been going off and on msn. like a biscuit? ( i don't know what is the connection to biscuits but that's baya analogy) on and off... so freaking annoying... good thing there's a unsecure line around... altho i do feel bad sometimes... to put it this way. if i use the unsecure line i don't do the dowloading n youtubing.... just to make myself feel better. after all it's not my line. i do treat it as my spare line sometimes when i get extremely frust with stupid adam and just wanna be online so bad. onlining is my part time in adelaide, especially when it's cold, rainy, wet and somewhat miserable...

i m bored.........grrrrrrrrrr...... well, there's studying... and there's studying.... it's sunday evening... one of the more depressing days in a week.... sunday eveving when i wake up to find my weekend nearly gone.... oh well, hehe.... was a non study weekend. nice... i m so hard to please. i don't wanna study yet i feel like the weekend has been waste if i don't...hehe. i still end up not studying. i really should. i know. it's nice to sleep in. to go kai kai with friends. to jus chill, after all... mon - fri have to study have to go hospital d .... i can give myself a break right? hehe.... so what is the solution of bored but dun wanna study? bug people on msn..... hehe. my fav pasttime. as baya would say. yakking.... keep on yak yak yak...

good thing i wanna be a physician... more a yakking job than surgeons.... they jus cut, chop, suture... sounds so gruesome....

okie back to yakking....

inspiration....

just finished wtaching 1 liter of tears. found it really inspiring. the story of a girl who had spinocerebellar atrophy. how she struggled as her body failed her. slowly 1 by 1 of her normal function - walking, talking, swallowing failed her.... nonetheless her heart remained strong and how she persevered even in the loneliness and darkness of what was happening that she was such a light to others. she helped them, encouraged them to continue to push on to fight on... and even though she struggled so much herself she wanted to help others. she wanted her life to count for something. she wrote a diary that sold 180,000 copies worldwide to give courage to others who are too in pain and struggling.

i didn't really cry. some people told me they cried bucket loads ( maybe exaggerating a bit) but it just showed me how frailed humanity is and yet how resilient we can be in the midst of sickness and pain. and in the midst of darkness light can shined so brightly from the person whose life has been shattered. and i look at myself, and feel that i want to be a better person because of that. with my functioning body and the many blessings i have... many times i have chose to selfishly pleased myself.... whereas someone who has her health taken away from her, the life she could have had the brigth future that she would have lived taken away from her.... she chose to be an inspiration, she chose not to give up... she chose to live her best. i feel like i wanna lived my best too.

on the lighter side.... what kids think of angels...

Henry, 8 "Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!."

Vicki, 8 "What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in
love, they shoot arrows at them."

i thought these were really funny....

happy sunday people~!

to hsu en.... happy birthday~!

some days i feel like.... God, can You please remove my heart and just give me a brand new 1?

Ezekiel 36:26

26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

i wonder how many times do i need a new hear? i think more like everyday than just a once off thing. sometimes it just seems like nothing is right with my heart. so i don't even know where to start cleaning up. so i ignore watever is wrong.... it's all vague and messed up anyway.... other days, i wake up... such clarity.... i know very well what is right and wrong.... the world seems prefectly black and white... no hard decisions.... all pretty straight forward, sometimes i really wished the world isn't usch a complicated place.... can we all be programmed to wanna make the right decisions? and can it be that there are multiples right answers and multiple wrong answers? blergghhhhh.... so how would we know we have entirely made the correct decision for ourselves and others? or should we just blunder around in life and somehow hope that our judgement is sound enough to not screw up badly....

God,help!!! what happens when i don't know what exacly to do and God seems totally silent? WAIT? till when?

this is what i think....do i try to make the most sound n logical decision based on facts, circumstances and conscience? seems simple enough. but actually think it x work that well. 1st life is illiogical. if i think bout it, if i totally believe in the supernatural God which is unexplained by science, how can what i believe in be logical? here comes FAITH..... so should i just make the decisions by FAITH that God will support me and go with me? even though it may be the most illogical way to go at that moment....

i have made tons of decisions based on something as stupid as human wisdom.... and some of them turned up alright and some screwed up..... and i have made decisions based on God's wisdom, His Word and how He has guide me.... it hasn't bunked up real bad as far as i can remember although can be pretty hard.... i think His way is probably the best way.... jus have to figure which way is He leading me too....


random thoughts....

shubz is here~!

hehe... my dearest is here! well a bit slow since she has been here from thursday. but o well, better late than never, after all too busy having fun to blog...

it's nice jus chilling with old friends. so if any of you wanna come visit bunny n i, most welcome. for me, i m always bored anyway so people coming is nice....

hehe.... we were to barossa valley to see all the wineries and taste wine. surprisingly, baaaa was a real good girl, she didn't really drink, hehe.... i was quite nottie, jus tried everything... mostly dessert wines and liquers.... the table wines can't compare after that. bougt a bottle of apple wine which we opened last nigth after a nice bak kut teh dinner with lots of chilli padi... haha. baaa n i were struggling to eat chilli padi. super pedas! but was good. nice chinese dinner.... with apple strudel, grapes and apple wine at the end.... hee hee... went to port adelaide to see the dolphins... sadly there was no dolphins. we were freezing our butts on the ferry but as nice.... taking photos. (tons of them) and jus yakking.... bot a heart shaped thing to hang in my room. it's cute.... it says "hoem is where i hang my heart" well, which is totally true since i won't be hanging my heart at anybody else's house.

gonna go out soon.... n upload the pics... picasa is somehow not working anymore. some cookies problem which i cant' figure out how to fix... so now using slide... which is fine as well. can upload tons at 1 go...

hmmm.... for once i m at loss at what to blog... blergh, was thinking bout something then dear housemate came barging into my room adn i lost my train of thoughts.... to myself *always blaming other ppl... tssk tssk* today is saturday!!! and it's a holiday on monday cos sunday is easter sunday.... hmmm, n deep down in my heart, i m asking myself? why the heck am i so focused on holiday instead of the actual significance of easter? yesterday went to church for Good friday service.... had communion.it was a super short sharing by pastor mat before communion, on how it was a sad sad day for God and for Jesus' disciples when He died, since when do we rejoice when someone dear to us die? imagine even when my hamster die oso i m sad, what more a human? but for us, a happy day because of what He's acoomplished at the cross, if He did not die and rose again everything we have been doing in church would be utter rubbish and what i believed in for the past 5 years would have been jus pure philosophy. i decided it's happy Good Friday for me....and this theory in my head is that altho it was a sad sad day for God and His disciples when He died.... IT was a joyous day that He rose again and the power of death and darkness has been defeated....

and thus it was a happy day for all.... now.... except satan of course, coming back to why i m so much concerned bout holidays... cos it's been tiring with peds exams just last week and just a week end in between for o n g this week.... this break.... a Godsend. well, it literally is anyway. altho for different reasons. so well, everyday's filled with some activity.... shouldn't i be resting? hmmm... yesterday was church then a bbq in d evening... which was awesome.... today church program - chicken run tonight.... tomorrow church and victor harbour to see the fairy penguins... monday is free.... maybe i should get down to studying... jus so dun feel like it.... it's 4 precious days. maybe a teeny weeny bit of studying so i won feel guilty after of spending the entire week end bumming around...