LOVE, hope and faith.

 NOW THESE THREE THINGS REMAIN: FAITH, HOPE AND
   LOVE.  BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.
                  ( 1 CORINTHIANS 13:13 *NIV )

this verse struck home... among my favourite verse....not to add its sentimental value
.... not a verse  i would wanna turn up in today's devotion, non the less...God has
other plans...as usual....His plans... includes my well being which i do stubbornly
and willfully refuse to do as He says.... which i do always struggle with obeying Him
.... i am a rebel at heart have always been... all my life...very willful and stubborn,
whether i show it anot...and nowadays i find no point hiding my weaknesses and to
a certain degree restraining myself from behaving like a rebel...however  i am
reminded by this verse....

pick up your cross...deny yourself...and follow me.... if you do not... you are not
worthy of me...

as i carefully read it again and again... i realised...i never really undertood wat it
meant...or its true meaning....

what does it mean to me?

pick up my cross.... to do some things that i am unwilling to do.... my cross? is
it big? how can i pick it up? i can't even carry my own burdens and cares... i give
them to Jesus

deny myself....how often do i do this? not very often i must admit....  i m used to
getting my own way...somehow...watever it takes....and if i dun... i jus either try
some other way....coerce someone.... manipulate the situation to my
advantage...and end result as long as  i m happie...which is kinda selfish some may
say...but it's the truth, everybody does it to watever extend....only for me, it's okie
to admit my weaknesses.... i detest hypocrites and  i do not aspire to be one
although i know everyone is....some time in their life... maybe even always....

follow Him....am i? yes....and no.....cos  i m still doing many things my way.....
and conforming to the world's way... i am though...walking in the general direction
of where You are going.... God, you said... if i stray to the left or right, i will
hear a voice that says...this is the way, walk ye in it... i believe You will lead me..
..my Beloved....

you will not be worthy of me....when i read this... i feel so unworthy...yet somehow
i knew this verse is not so i would feel this way...but more to remind me of His
sacrifice...when have i ever been worthy of You, Lord? not 4 yrs ago....not now....
not ever from the human point of view....yet to You... i was worth the price You paid...

thank you, for Love....Faith.... and Hope....in Me.... even those at their best cannot
be enough to express my devotion to You.... i am fickle.... i often disappoint and
hurt You.... yet...You saw something in me....something i myself did not see....
the worth of my soul....the 1 thing  i did not treasure... u gave Your life for...

and now....it's time for me....

to pick up my cross.....to crucify my flesh....so painful....

to deny myself..... from bitterness, unforgiveness, anger...to stop them from
controlling me....

to follow you... to forgive as you have forgiven.... to struggle against sin and win.
..because You are victorious!

to be worthy of You...knowing i am....because You chose me to be worthy...
..not because of anything i have done...

Father, forgive me for disobedience....for hurting You, for lashing out when i
was hurt.... yet i knew, if i have to go through it all again, i would probably
have to learn it this way too.... why, God? because You know me best... and
i believe refiner's fire is never fun...yet....You will complete the work You began
in me...Please forgive me... i love You, Daddy.

i will fight the good fight, i will run the race and  i will keep the faith. God willing.