today have been a rather emo day... have been feeling up and down past few days... more down den up cos of this blasted cold and sore i got on my lip... was being miserable about life and looking at all my shortcomings as a person... wallowing in self pity like a hippo wallowing in mud on a hot day... that's me... then, i got out of that phase... was feeling mildly better, still kinda out wif God... caused i can't justify myself being so 'watever' and don't care... and don't know what to say to God... i know i am in the wrong... sounds kinda lame right? as if i didn't know i was wrong before i behaved badly... this is a few days ago...

went to church this morning, had a very fitful sleep... felt bit off during worship but decided i shall put my heart into it, and it was a great time of worship, it really amde the diffference... i was a watering pot... and God's good timing ,worship was longer today and being in God's presence and feeling crappy bout myself, everything just broke my flood gates.... not that i really cried like until like someone died liddat, but well... i'd make quite a good watering pot... and after that i felt a lot better... life felt a lot easier to bear, it's was alrite being sick, i will get better, all my shortcomings, God is working on them... i am not perfecct but i am not a loser as well... i m determined God wants me to live a victorious life so i m not gonna behave like some loser... or as if i've already lost... letting circumstances get the better of me... I REFUSE TO BE A LOSER!!!!

prev called and asked if i wanted to go to the beach... went back, pondered a bit, everyone else at hostel not going ,should i go? decided.... why the heck not? just cause others not going...it's a bright, sunny day! there's no point cooping myself inside to grow mould.... go out there and get some sun... so put on my beach shorts... bright orange wid white flowers... red nike cap, spaghetti tank top, some sunscreen and off i went to the beach, hehe... i even got a few honks when i was standing on the roadside and one my korean hostel mates looked at me twice.... o well, maybe i siok sendiri, don't care either way... i looked good, felt good, i m going out...to the beach!!! la la la...

the beach was awesome! 28 degrees... sun up in the sky, having a picnic... eating "onde-onde''... happiness... it's very hard to find "onde-onde" in Adelaide, mind you... and Koghini's are pretty good... played football, monkey(haha... didn't become the monkey at all altho SOME ppl tried to kenakan me), galah panjang which was dem funny, cos i always kena touched... but i always touch people as well...so same same la... and the sea water was so nice, it was really cold though, too bad i didn't bring a change of clothes or i would have gone swimming.... just didn't fancy the idea of having to go back with wet undies and sand... you get the idea, the water is ice cold by the way... but in warm weather...cold water is really inviting...and it's clear....and aparently jelly-fish-less... so what else could be better? posing with priya like we are pantene girls with my hair blown by the wind.... super siok sendiri but what the heck... it was fun! eating kettle chips... lying on my back n enjoying the sun.... life was near perfect. and we had very good chocolate cake too... and i had ice cream!!! mua ha ha ha...

was happy... came back... okie, my lip hurt cos i wasn't suppose to expose it to sun... well, i was happy altho i didn't get that much of a tan... my skin just don't absorbed the sun like it used to... my face turned a bit darker but not obvious as well...

then i checked my mail box, got a very surprising email and it's something BIG...something that would require me to take a BIG step of faith... and i have yet to decide whether i am up for it... please pray for me... general idea, to make the correct decision and follow God whichever way He wants me to go...

and just now... had another watering pot session... man, this sprinkler system is just working too well... anyway, was stressed out bout certain issues with someone dear to my heart... sorta worked it out... not entirely... but trusting God will deal with it somehow...

now my throat is itchy... how wonderful...hehe, i am alrite... bacteria!!! you not gonna get me down....ggggggGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!