a new beginning

An encounter with Jesus... a life changing experience, so different for every child of God yet impacting our lives to the extend, we are willing to die and suffer for You.

My encounter with my God began in Dec 2001. I’ve just finished my SPM. Sorta aimlessly wondering, where am I supposed to go after this? What is my direction in life? I was never a person to ponder too much into the deep things of life... I like my life, simple, non complicated... ignorant and oblivious to my surroundings... but God didn’t mean my life to be so happy-go-lucky, the people around me started to act up badly... a family crisis... not something I would tell any of my friends... I kept my sorrows and pain to myself....

I needed an anchor for I was being tossed by the waves of life... felt like I was drowning in the vast oceans of destiny. The thing was, I did not have a God, I certainly did not believe the idol on the table was my God, it was a thing I turned to when I needed good exam results. I have been a free thinker all my life. I did not know who my God was. I was on my own. Or so I thought.

The beginning of the journey....

A bible camp I thought was meant to spend time with my best friend before we parted our ways in life....

I have repeatedly heard the gospel in the past 5 days. Yet my heart was so hard, I promised myself I will never convert and I’m a person of my word. I hate people who do not keep their promises and I would not ever tolerate myself behaving in such a manner. What nonsense! I will not allow any so called God into my heart. What can he do anyway? My life was in such a big mess and no one knows. I’ll just have to deal with it on my own. My giant called Pride, Ego and Self.

I refuse to budge even though I knew God was knocking at the door of my heart. Inside a scared little girl was calling for help. She was afraid of hurt. I did not want to hurt. I was always strong. I did what I did well. I excelled in my studies. I had great friends. I was strong. I will not fall and even if I did, I will pick myself up and go on. That was me. And to a certain extend still is me. To be stubborn even if it kills me. So headstrong.

Yet my facade of happiness and toughness began to show cracks when a sister accepted Christ. A gentle spirit. She was in my dorm. A very quiet, unassuming, sweet girl. She opened her heart to Jesus.

I began to question my stubbornness. Why am I holding back? Was it because of the promise? Was it because I was afraid? I needed to be honest with myself. I knew I needed help. God can help. I was afraid. So afraid of the consequences of following Him. I knew it wouldn’t be a bed of roses. My parents weren’t religious but I knew in me they would object to God. Was I ready to stand for God? Can I take blow after blow? My heart is not as tough as it seems... I wanted to yet.... I... needed... something... God to show me....stg...

And surely He did, I don’t remember how exactly, but on the morning of 8^th Dec 2001, Jesus showed me He loves me... with all His heart and soul, mind and strength. It was almost like I could see Him hanging on the cross for me saying... Forgive her, Father for she do not know what she is doing...

It broke my heart....open....like automatic locks...every lock opened....

He walked into my life that day. I have not turned back since. The journey has been bumpy, scary, joyous, fearsome, exhilarating; enjoyable... it has been everything.... I can’t even start to describe this journey I’m on with Jesus, you got to walk with Him to know.... how wonderful yet scary it is... so many fall away... so many get caught in the traps of the world... my greatest fear...is not to finish the journey I have began with Jesus my Lord and Savior....to fall away caught by the thorns of life.... good thing I’m so stubborn. I stubbornly refuse to give You up no matter what....hehe... You know that, my God. You have chosen me to persevere, to run the good race and fight the good fight. At the end of the road, a crown of life will be there for me.

And You will say, “Well done, ye good and faithful servant.”

Hehe.... God, I want to sit on your lap and dance at your feet. I want to bring my Father to see the treasures I have stored up in heaven. We’ll have so much fun up there! Yay! Looking forward to it although I understand You can’t fast forward things for me. I will stand for You... I will fight and then I will come meet You in heaven once I have accomplished what You sent me to do.

You said I will be a strong pillar in Your house. Yuppers, this pillar will stand strong even through the toughest storm. This hurricane of a pillar... dunno how that’ll work out...budden... it’s just me... as my Father made me... a whirlwind that’ll blow people up to heaven for God. Hee hee... they will like it la... it’ll be fun, they will enjoy the experience!

This is the most honest account of the story of my salvation...one I have not told anyone in great detail...one that shall now be open to the world so the world may see who is my God. Jesus my Lord and Savior.