no title i could think off...

haven't been blogging in a while....posted pictures but not written much bout anything....

perhaps i have been hit by this giant wave of procrastination....

i don't really wanna share my heart anymore.... maybe i just feel tad bit weary bout life....

some days i feel purposeless, other days i feel alright... all in all i kinda cruise through it all and behave as if everything is alright.... well, it sorta is... yet, it is not.... i go from anger.... to "watever" to things are jus gonna be dandy.... and i get use to it....

somedays i think.... everyone else thinks i am alright.... why shouldn't i be okay anyway? i m not lacking anything big. or at least i think so.... nobody's dying, it's holidays (ya, i have to work and that sucks, but i'll get over it) i should be happy. why am i not happy ?

today i realised something, i am an internet addict. my internet didn't work last night and this morning, and i felt "distressed" beyond what was normal. i do my devotions online too. so i told myself, jus read the book version of the bible... but it jus felt odd. i have been using biblegateway.com for quite some time till it felt odd to read a book bible. excuses. so i made myself read my book bible. still felt odd. so i set myself up to fix this net problem. went downstairs, fiddled with the wires, switched on and off the modem.... got grumbled at by my mum for fiddling with her com, well hers is connected by cable to the modem... and the net was not working anyway....so well, anyway the net self healed itself. and it decided to work, and well, i felt tons better... now i can go on msn and facebook or surf.... to kill time.... i am stuck in this "activitism", other than that i sleeeeeppppppppppp..... i find it hard to sit down quietly and not do a thing, that would be sleeping to me.... man, i think to be still before God... it's a big effort. 1 minute into it, my brain is off wandering somewhere, i m off in my dream land...

today i felt like a bad person, i felt guilty of wanting to be myself.... in other words, selfish, don't care how others feel or what they want, jus leave me in peace to be in my own selfish little world su ling.... i wonder how many ppl can identify with that?